Subah... Kabhi to hogi...

I feel humiliated in aftermath of Terrorist Attack on Mumbai. But this is not out of helplessness I feel inside. Obviously I m scared. Bt on top of it, some of the response of my friends has made me dissapointed.
One of first response I encountered was from a friend who criticised Karkare(the slain ATS chief) for he was more engaged in combating Hindu terrorism(which is not evident in India according to him). I want to scream out and say "Terrorism is terrorism, whatever color it has : saffron or green or white".
A good friend of mine in Europe (Obviously she is Indian) was more concerned and I quote "when the world cares for economic recession, India is still entangled in internal security". She goes on to glorify CHINA. My freind I m sorry, I cant ask for a cake if I dont have a bread. I understand your concern about your professional future (rather future of all), but we have to deal with where we are. Sorry you share your home country with poor Ravi. And I m ashamed of wasting time chatting with you now or watching television next moment, I wonder I should have been in army to experience the glory of dying for my nation.
Still another friend complains about the system bcos all NSG commandoes were brought in a BEST bus. He goes further to say, "we spend 5 crore to train one commando, wat if the bus is blasted." My friend when will u know a commando is not 5 crore rupees, its a life, its an attitude to die for nation. Some people are talking about THE RAJ THAKAREY, the person who divides the country on language basis. Mr. Raj Thakarey exists becos India is united. He doesn't have a word to say if u cut out Maharastra out of India. He just STINKS.
I am in grief, I am outraged.
When people say foul about politicians, I keep mum. Before I can accuse them of dirty politics I should stop bribing a TC in train for a seat. Before I can talk about security issue, I should nt irritate in security queues in multiplex. Before I complain of bad traffice I should follow the traffic rules. There is a long list. I can put forward wat I want, but I dont deserve to complain. The first step has to be from my side.
Thanks to commandos who died so that we can be alive. Going to sleep in a hope that I will see a better India every next day I wake up. Woh Subah... Kabhi to hogi...

Division : Let us accept it

I got this thought while on an auto today evening. The auto-driver was very furious to the Raj Approach (Thakare obviously) and the ongoing turmoil in Maharashtra. Nonetheless to say he belonged to Uttar Pradesh, one of the northern state of India. His words were so poignant; I could feel the abhorrence in his speech towards common Marathi Man. The recent slaughter (yes, I want this word) of north-indian sentiments in Mumbai may not have divided the boundaries; it no more let the unity to survive.

As I always believe: division is law of nature. Be it boundaries, be it religion, be it races… the basis seems different and always finds a new ground for justification, but what lies beneath is the basic instinct of human behaviour… a quest to separate himself from the herd. A distinct identity, another division.

What can be better example than division of the world in six landmasses (continents) which were united at some point in history. The six major human races support the demeanor. Nature proclaims division to be the rule. Humans have divided something they could never realize… the GOD. Something that hasn’t been seen (or felt) ever has different attributes (physical or non-physical). My own religion (Hindu) has thousands of sects which only come together when it comes to criticize other religions. Even the Mohammad (the prophet of an egalitarian muslim thought) had forecasted division of Islam in 700 sects in future. I think there are around 100 sects in Islam already.

A sense of distinction always lies beneath. At least in me, may be bcos I m human.

India has always been like this. We were never united. It is not unity but diversity that persists here for centuries. Whenever got a chance, we tried to disintegrate. I still don’t understand why we don’t accept something which is so visible and look out for an elusive sense of unity.

Does India really need Kashmir?

The Jammu and Kashmir(J&K) state - A disputed land between India and Pakistan. A dispute that has been hanging in air for decades. Both the country trying to justify their ownership on the land, with kasmiris having a confused opinion about their own will.
The problem doesn't lies as it appers to be, the roots of this have gone deep into past and the religions rift between the two major religions of India- Hindus and Muslims. A major portion of Kashmir which lies towards Pakistan is populated with muslim population, while a very small portion towards India has a majority Hindus. India and Pakistan were born out of a single country in 1947 on basis of religion. Being the border state J&K and Punjab- two sensitive states of India had seen gross atrocities during division. And hence a pakistan supported terrorism industry started harvesting its crops on the religiously sentimental human mentality. Though Punjab was grossly populated with people belonging to a religion "Sikh"-a religion which finds its roots and similarity in hinduism, still the rift were deep after Hindu - Sikh riots of 1984. Kashmir politics more closely revolves around Hindu-Muslim rift.
Though Punjab terrorism was curbed by a cruel and oscene suppression by Indian army, the same cant be expected in case of Kashmir. India has grown over time to be a sensitive and welfare state. Though a secular state, the mentality of India as a state still cant find a very high confidence in muslim mass-thanks to regular bomb blasts in Indian cities. A worldwide misuse of "Jehad" has further spoiled the face of Islam.
A major portion of annual Indian budget goes to fighting terrorism in Kashmir. Had Kashmir come in mainstreams, it wud be a well developed state by now. Considering its beautiful landscape - commonly called "second to heaven"- it wud be an international hub for tourism. But a troubled land is never better than its troubles. Even if kashmir is brought on track it can never be trusted again. Kashmir is just a land mass for Indian common man which we dont want give up for sake of our pride. We have lost belongingness to the people who inherit this land mass. Personally I do concern when 4 people are dead in Delhi today due to collapse of a bridge, but not when another 40 die in kashmir during terrorist enconters. My senses have started accepting "thats thier destiny".

Hinduism : A celebration of life

I have just read a few pages of a Hindu religious book called "Ramcharitmanas" so if I m pompous about my religion, u should forgive me. The book is a story of "to be king" of India who goes to live in forest out of expulsion just to keep his father's words. He lives there for 14 long years, kills some demons meanwhile and comes back to claim his throne. Wat a simple story of a vulnerable man, vulnerable out of choice not by compulsion. A victorious end to a painful journey of a man's life - a man of substance, a man with integrity and a man very dependable - he is proclaimed to be The Himself (the incarnation of GOD) in hindu society. The thought that I gathered out of it instigated me to write something about it.

Though the story is still believed to be fictitious by historians - is an ideal example for how to lead life. Its so provoking to investigate one's own soul. The sacrifices Ram (The protagonist) makes in the larger interest of society puts forward so many questions and solves them all by the end. He is fortunate enough to get victorious in the end. Not everybody is. The Indian Hindus have cherished this victory over thousands(5 thousands) of years as their own victory.
A life full of luxury is always relishable and enjoyable. But the question is: Is it all we are born for? Even the air I breath in now to keep myself alive is shared by a huge mass of humankind, the palnts and the animal world. I get a sense that we all are here just to continue the human life. The larger interest of life is nothing more than mere existence of life. And if possible have a pleasant life shedding off all the pains. The only goal being to sustain the world with good deeds. Who will decide the good or bad - which religion or society or just the inner conscience..... The mystery continues so does life and so will be our quest for truth. Probably till the end of human civilisation.

And there lies a dead flying insect on by bed, it came flying in the room last night- giving me a feel that death is inevitable. And it is probably where life finds its meaning - in a complete peace after fulfilling one's responsibilities to the world.

The other incarnation of God in hindu mythology - The Krishna. His teachings "The ShrimadBhagawad Puran" talks abt how to die and stands next on reading list. All I wish is I never become a blind follower of any religion during my life.

Confession of a Dangerous Mind

After a long time I wanted to pen down something about myself. Why I opted for writing about myself today is derived from the basic existence of me in this world. Yes, I have seen a dead body yesterday. And I am not afraid, but I m puzzled. The impeccable inertia of the body has made me feel a sense of ability. An ability of motion in the three dimensional space. A sense of life. And an enthusiasm for this sense.

Today, I really want to look back at my life and cherish each and every moment I encountered. My transformation from a homesick kleptomaniac kid to an uncaring adult to a joyful retrosexual to an introvert sexomaniac to a dull recluse and to a ruthless expressionist.

Recently I have felt a radical transformation in me. And I need to express becos I in love with it. Probably I want them to be more profound, more intense: The duality of my existence.

Till a few months back I was more comfortable with the bare nudity of pain in this world. I enjoyed watching poor masses, and the feel of sympathy that erupts in my heart for them. I used to envy of rich considering the poors a victim of a capitalistic manipulative herd. Strange happiness in having a confused and disoriented lifestyle. A dirty ambience attracting my attention and the feel of penury in common class driving my train of thought. A straight declaration of truth being my preferance than to a chocolate coating on a hidden bitterness.

I still believe I was right looking from one side of the frame. But a skewed position to this frame really gives me a very contrasting sense: both equally relishable.

The stinking richness of world has started inspiring me. To watch an exuberance of richness is as savoury to eyes as to feel one’s soothing heart filled with sympathy for poor. The tall and glittering skyscrapers are equally fascinating as green landscape. A complete devotion in love to one’s beloved is as sensuous as the titilating sexual fantasies. I njoy seeing jealosy in someone for others. It brings a smile on my face, and a big laugh in my heart and a sense of joy for being more clean at heart. To be true I am more treacherous.

I have accepted: the diversity is the basic instinct of the humankind and Mother Nature in general. Its not insensitiveness to pain, but to decline to be aloof of this diversity.

Dead out of my Selfishness

Recently I have started realising there is very small human element left in me. A sensitive soul that used to exist inside me is almost on verge of death. And its taking a toll on my existence. It has brought a sense in me, where I can deny my existence among the human herd.
Its not a story created but realised. Was a rainy day- may be 10 days back. I was in a hurry returning from office- Late in evening, with a increasing taste(in my salive) for some junk tasty food. I rushed to the nearby shop, for some hot samosa(an Indian junk Food also famous in Malaysia) to take home(I prefer them in hygienic plates).
And there stands a small kid in corner draped in dirty clothes, begging for some food to fill his empty stomach. The tommorow of India crying with hunger. I felt like liquified by the show of bare reality. I really wanted to go ahead and take him into my lap and give him all he wanted. I dont know wat was stopping me. A social barrier or a personal jinx or my hardened soul. The boy was after some rich guy, who just came down from the car. He kept begging for long but returned with not a single penny. I just found a tinge of abhorence in me to the rich man.

But after moving from the place with a bag full of samosa, I had no vengeance for the that rich guy. Really it was me who was the culprit. The man who couldn't break his selfishness to help a needful just for sake of his own reservations, his own gaudy pride. Though I know I would have helped him had he come to me first. Way back to home I thought at least 50 times to run back to the shop- could never dare to unhinge my jinx. Probably, I still want to run down the time machine and capture that frame and prove myself a better man. I know I cant. I am to bear with this load.
When I m writing this all on this blog, I know it may not be read by a single man out there. At least it takes off a little load off my shoulder. I know I m still alive but with a dead soul. It revealed a truth: I am a stone hearted now or probably I was ever.

Mumbai hai Hamara, Hum hain SAHARA

I always had strong trust in the big business houses of India who have brought India out of misery to a new sunrise of 21st century. I still do remember listening the catch line of Sahara, Bharat hai Hamara Hum Hain Sahara, and feeling happy for it.
But watching the channel Sahara-Mumbai, for last few months, I can sense how distant my hometown is from Mumbai. Being a local channel of Mumbai, in my views, Sahara-Mumbai has lost its directions and responsibilities towards Indian interests. The strong criticism for North Indians I feel in the voice of the anchor, it distract me from feel of listening a responsible media. Its not only disparaging the contribution of North Indians in Indian growth story, but moreover it is dividing the sense of unity in Mumbai. It may be essential for the channel to reap this divide, also I dont know how much intended it is in betterment of Mumbai, All I know is deep down in HEART it hurts HARD.
I do strongly agree that a mass migration from other places does harm the employment opportunities of the local mass. But in words of Thomas Friedman that is what we call a "Flat World". A flannening that India reaped for its growth.
I dont disagree here that it might be my vengeance thats coming out in this article and it may be baseless in the reader's view.
But, being in a profession like mine one doesn't have many places to work in India. With a flatter world, probably its a call for me to move out of Mumbai and probably India.

Let me search for some other world. Mumbai! Wish u a long life .

Holi..... Ho Li

It was a holi today. A well known Hindu festival. Festival of colors, joys, vibrations, emotions, vibrating emotions, energy, music and many more to enlist. A festival to revive old relations which have lost their shines over time.
But the life is same for him sitting in his balcony of his Painthouse - in one of the costliest human habitat of this city. Except that today he has to face a louder music coming from the ground. It is a holiday, a free day after so many tiring years. Looking back he never finds himself in rest since the day he started his business.

A sudden change in music brings him back into present. A loud and blunt music had always turned him down. But an alternating screams of children playing together had kept him from complaining. From the top, he couldn't look into the glittering eyes of those children but he could easily feel the enrgy in their spines.
He collects the past days of his own. From a small town he was, where a festival like this counts a big social call. He can never forget his old golden moments of joy during festival time, those days-free of responsibilities. Today he would have loved to be undergrown.
There is a change in song. The song is lighter this time. Probably some old holi song from 70s. The movement is slowed down as well. People might have gone tired of dancing and fun. A sunny day it is. It would have been a fun to get drenched in water and colors today.

He had taken a long path in life. From a small tinsel-town boy to a high profile businessman in Mumbai. He has taken a big leap in a single lifetime. A black Rolls-Royce in his parking lot shines over all the counterpart vehicle. His single decision can change the fate of so many people thriving on a business run by him.
But behind his black gogles in deep wet eyes, he knows wat he has lost in this glittering city. Somethin' that counts and something that doesn't.........
He closes the windows of his balcony. The music fades away. And he slips back into a black leather couch. There is some weather forecast on television. "There may be some rain today in Mumbai". But he is safe in his Penthouse. Safe of being drenched in water........

My Tributes to Movie "Jodha-Akbar"

Today, watching the movie "Jodha-Akbar" was a complete Paisa vasool for me. Though the movie didn't interest me much and emotional scene made me take a back seat. But it has compelled me to peep into my country's history. Some of the scene were so dramatic and unreal, it made me look back into my history books to verify them. Though a commercial movie can't be a trustworthy source of history, at least it encourages us to attach ourselves with the past. The director didn't leave a stone unturned to glorify Akbar. But reading through the history book, I would rather appreciate the growth profile of Hemu (the guy defeated by Akbar in Panipat). Though he is picturised as an evil, he was an able administrator. And the way he made his path from a common petite vendor to the throne is a legendary growth story. Now I realise sometimes the reality can be more dramatic than the drama itself. In the end, being honest I need to add that- the picturization was real grander and a milestone has been crossed in picturisation in Bollywood.