Dead out of my Selfishness

Recently I have started realising there is very small human element left in me. A sensitive soul that used to exist inside me is almost on verge of death. And its taking a toll on my existence. It has brought a sense in me, where I can deny my existence among the human herd.
Its not a story created but realised. Was a rainy day- may be 10 days back. I was in a hurry returning from office- Late in evening, with a increasing taste(in my salive) for some junk tasty food. I rushed to the nearby shop, for some hot samosa(an Indian junk Food also famous in Malaysia) to take home(I prefer them in hygienic plates).
And there stands a small kid in corner draped in dirty clothes, begging for some food to fill his empty stomach. The tommorow of India crying with hunger. I felt like liquified by the show of bare reality. I really wanted to go ahead and take him into my lap and give him all he wanted. I dont know wat was stopping me. A social barrier or a personal jinx or my hardened soul. The boy was after some rich guy, who just came down from the car. He kept begging for long but returned with not a single penny. I just found a tinge of abhorence in me to the rich man.

But after moving from the place with a bag full of samosa, I had no vengeance for the that rich guy. Really it was me who was the culprit. The man who couldn't break his selfishness to help a needful just for sake of his own reservations, his own gaudy pride. Though I know I would have helped him had he come to me first. Way back to home I thought at least 50 times to run back to the shop- could never dare to unhinge my jinx. Probably, I still want to run down the time machine and capture that frame and prove myself a better man. I know I cant. I am to bear with this load.
When I m writing this all on this blog, I know it may not be read by a single man out there. At least it takes off a little load off my shoulder. I know I m still alive but with a dead soul. It revealed a truth: I am a stone hearted now or probably I was ever.